Some may argue that the most exciting part of my recent trip to Ontario was climbing into a complete strangers car in downtown Toronto. I disagree. Rather, it was the perfected art of a comfortable 11.5 hour drive.
The number one goal of riding a bus is getting a seat to yourself. It's just
you, two seats, and a glorious curled up position that will leave you aching.
This is desirable given the alternative: you hunched over against the
window (or worse, the aisle), afraid you're going to touch a stranger for hours
on end. If the physical strain wasn't enough, the mental stress will kill you.
To begin, you must arrive early. An hour to forty five minutes prior should do you fine. Second, you must find your desired place on the bus and immediately put your carry on in the seat next to you.
Now for the art. You must make it seem like a massive inconvenience for someone to sit next to you. Spread out. Be complicated. Take off your shoes, change your socks. Pull out your computer, plug in the cord across the two seats. Take out food, leave it half eaten on top of your open carry on with extra clothing on your lap. Think of the effort it would take you to clean up!
When a passenger walks by, they will be much more likely to politely ask, "Excuse me, is anybody sitting there?" if there is nothing but a closed backpack sitting on the seat beside you. On the other hand, if you have crumbs everywhere, one sock off and one sock on, and a laptop strung out, it is much more likely that you will be passed by for easier prey.
And then what, you ask? Take over the two seats, of course!
An important addition, however, is that at a stop over you must be taking up the two seats and act dead asleep. Otherwise your efforts will be wasted and with your guard lowered you will be taken advantage of readily. How embarrassing. I suggest bright colored earplugs. Not only do they cut the sound for better sleep, they also make it seem like you can’t hear a damn thing. Now they have to say “excuse me” and tap you. Way too much effort.
To begin, you must arrive early. An hour to forty five minutes prior should do you fine. Second, you must find your desired place on the bus and immediately put your carry on in the seat next to you.
Now for the art. You must make it seem like a massive inconvenience for someone to sit next to you. Spread out. Be complicated. Take off your shoes, change your socks. Pull out your computer, plug in the cord across the two seats. Take out food, leave it half eaten on top of your open carry on with extra clothing on your lap. Think of the effort it would take you to clean up!
When a passenger walks by, they will be much more likely to politely ask, "Excuse me, is anybody sitting there?" if there is nothing but a closed backpack sitting on the seat beside you. On the other hand, if you have crumbs everywhere, one sock off and one sock on, and a laptop strung out, it is much more likely that you will be passed by for easier prey.
And then what, you ask? Take over the two seats, of course!
An important addition, however, is that at a stop over you must be taking up the two seats and act dead asleep. Otherwise your efforts will be wasted and with your guard lowered you will be taken advantage of readily. How embarrassing. I suggest bright colored earplugs. Not only do they cut the sound for better sleep, they also make it seem like you can’t hear a damn thing. Now they have to say “excuse me” and tap you. Way too much effort.
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